Mothers Day

Well last Sunday was mothers day... i knew that day was coming and that it was going to be hard, and beautiful all at the same time. The morning started out beautiful, dad made a beautiful breakfast for mom and i and to my surprise there weren't only gifts for mom, there was a gift for me too. Mom and dad bought me a nice rug and towels for when i do a foot zone. (its the career i am going into i will write about it later) I have trouble explaining my feelings of that day. Hence the reason why i have waited so long to write about it. But here i go. I am going to give it a shot.

When I woke that morning Sarah had been in my dreams all night. They were pleasant dreams but I woke aching to hold her. I then tried to turn my thoughts to my own amazing mom. My mom is the mother to 11 children, me being the youngest. She is an incredible woman. When I compare Christ like characteristics they all fit her. Charitable, loving, full of light, forgiving and oh so many more. So I got ready for the day and headed to church, knowing full well that all of that days talks were going to be on motherhood.  

I have become good at hiding my emotions, but that day it was harder than ever. I cried when mothers spoke of loving their daughters unconditionally, and when the daughters spoke of their mothers.  But there was a feeling I kept feeling that surprised me. Even though I ached horribly for my Sarah, to hold her, love her, care for her and do all the things a mother does I was happy. I still didn't regret my decision of placing her with Kim and Nick, I still knew in my heart that Sarah belonged to them and I was simply Heavenly Fathers tool to helping them get their daughter. And then I kept thinking of how blessed I was to get to be Sarah's birth mom. I knew from the day I found out that I was pregnant that she was a special spirit and that heavenly father was sending her here on a very special mission. I get to be a part of that mission. Because of that precious little soul I am who I am today. I  have learned the true meaning of the atonement and of the sacrifice Christ made for me. I built a testimony of love and most of all of sacrifice. 

I have always wanted to be a mom. Even when I was a little girl, I would play mommy with my dolls and be mommy to my nephews and nieces. And ever since I became strong enough I was holding any baby I could get my hands on and would babysit every chance I had.  I am also an aunt to 29 children and in a special kind of way I feel like a mom to them. To be a mom is a very powerful feeling in my soul. I know with all my heart I was born to be one, even my patriarical blessing tells me I will be a mother in Israel... but there are other things my heart can't deny, and my heart couldn't deny the fact that my little Sarah had a bigger purpose in life, and part of that purpose was to be a part of Kim and Nicks beloved family.

I know this all probably sounds all mixed up and confusing but I have tried to explain my heart the best I can, I have never been great with words but if there is one thing you take away from reading this it's that I love my Sarah, I love her family, I love my savior, my mother father and family. And one day I will get to be a mother to my own children and when that day comes they will know what unconditional love feels like their entire lives. Just to top everything off I have a quote I fell in love with and this is what it is, "The heart has reason that even reason does not understand." And with that all I have to say is Happy Mothers day to all you moms, including you special Birth Moms.

Rosa